The Notorious F.I.G.

guard dog

2010-04-13T18:03:00.001-07:00

nothing new here. just keeping watch.

i never know when that nasty mail man is going to invade my territory and threaten my family's life.

merry christmas

2009-12-27T15:57:00.000-08:00

if i do say so myself, i allowed my girl and others to take some fabulous photos of me this season. i though i must share them with you:

hope your holiday was happy!

problem?

2009-12-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is true that I snag pine cones off the Christmas tree and munch on them in private places. Yes, it is true that I will eat any type of plastic holly berry that I can find in any fashion of Christmas decoration.

So what.

recent pics

2009-08-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

i'm keeping watch over motch and p.a.'s house.

sitting pretty.

and with aunt pitty-pat.

my girl can't take a nice picture to save her life, but she does like this one:

i only cooperated for a treat, of couse.

oh the excitement of friday night

2009-06-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

my girl thinks i'm weird. does this look weird to you?!

i just wanted to eat some of motch's fiber-y plastic plant.

to distract me, motch let all of us give her kisses. now we were all very excited, because this is not a usual occurance. for some reason, no one in our family likes to get kisses on their face, neck, inside of the nose, and on their limbs simultaneously. i don't know why. but the opportunity presented itself and we took advantage!

after that excitement, petra and i engaged in a rousing game of tug-o-war. you will notice my brother in this video, and you will have the chance to see how WEIRD and STUPID he is. he keeps on kissing well after the kissing game is over. while petra and i play, he continues to kiss THE AIR. HOW STRANGE IS HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

all in all, it's a good friday night.

foooooooooood

2009-06-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

last night we had to go to that nasty, blood sucking money vacuum that my girl calls the vet. to display my displeasure i actually BARKED at them; i've never done that before. i think they were very scared of my viciousness. in fact, i scared them so much that the doctor got confused and gave me GOOD NEWS! he said i have lost a LOT of weight (i'm down to 20 pounds!!!) and am NOT ALLOWED to lose any more! that means i'll get a little more food every day, yahoo! but i've found something even better! my very own snack moved into the apartment next to us!

i know you can't see him very well in that picture, but that's because we were all hiding behind our curtains and didn't want to scare the neighbors by peering out the window at them with a camera. and my girl said she was wearing her nasty pajamas (i don't know what she means - it's what she wears every single day) and couldn't take me out to "meet" him.

don't be fooled - he is not large. he is about the size of a baseball and would be a PERFECT snack for me. i think he might give me a chance to chase him a little too and work up more of an appetite before enjoying the meal....

i'm HUUUUUUUUUUNGRY! and i'll wait patiently for him.

EXCITEMENT

2009-05-04T17:20:00.000-07:00

ohmydog tonight i ate some deeee-lish sugar free gum that leah had in her room and massah freaked out and started calling the dreaded v-e-t and they told her to call the aspca poison line and they charged her $60 over the phone to tell her that she needs to INDUCE VOMITING and i didn't know what that meant but she drove away very very fast in her car and came back to the house with ICE CREAM and she put some fizzy stuff into it and i ate it all really quickly because it was good and then we ran all around the yard very fast and then that fizzy ice cream started fizzing in my innards and then all the fizzy stuff came OUT of my innards and the toxic gum came out with it and i kept HOCKing and HUACKing all over the place but it didn't matter because we were outside on the driveway and finally i stopped HACKing up stuff and she got a spoon and poked all around my puke (WEIRD-O!!) and started smiling really big and giving me hugs and kisses even though my mouth was covered in foamy puke and she called the people who RIPPED HER OFF back on the phone and they said i could not eat or drink anything all night long and massah is going to have to wake me up during the night to make sure i don't DIE because my glucose levels are too low. i was really super hyper after i ate the yummy gum and now...

i'm...

really tired....

Happy (belated) Anniversary, Leah!

2009-04-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

how cool that in two years, it chose *this* time to bloom!

love you muchly!

the terrifying and the thrilling

2009-04-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

oh my dog, i was attacked by a honking goose last night. i kid you not. i am still too traumatized to talk about it, but these are the images i still see in my mind whenever i close my eyes:

HOWEVER, we got some VERY GOOD NEWS today. and it made me feel much better. guess who the CHICAGO BEARS are getting?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?

JAY CUTLER!!!! oh thank the heavens above that the powers-that-be at the chicago bears somehow lost their minds for a moment today and ACTUALLY SIGNED A GOOD QUARTERBACK!!!!!

massah knew i'd be excited when she told me, so she had the camera out and captured the exact moment she gave me the good news. this is the most excited i've EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE except the first time i tasted peanut butter:

good times ahead. if i can avoid the attacking goosies.

back to boring

2009-03-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

my dog - it's been over two months since i last posted, so you'd think i'd have something thrilling and breath-taking to share. well think again.

this is what's going on around here now.

march madness something-or-other just started. can you tell how excited i am about it all?

heaven help me with this air-licking brother and the tv-watching massah.

therapy dog

2009-02-13T16:07:00.001-08:00

We are sad at our house. My grandpa had to go to a nursing home and I have been in comforting-mode. Here I am with Grammy:

She just can't get enough of my loving....

it was me

2009-01-09T14:53:00.000-08:00

ooooooooh....

my belly....

too much peppermint stick....

i am sick!

a good girl

2009-01-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

i don't have much to say, except that i am being a GOOOOOOOD GIRL!!!! unlike other dogs in the house (if it is a dog... still doesn't look like any other dog i've ever seen....). and here is a picture of me being good and innocent and beautiful.

i'm pretty sure i'm masssah's favorite. just sayin'.

oops

2009-01-01T18:09:00.000-08:00

i was busted!!!

what?! i was just... checking leah's desk....

yep, some mints, cough drops, cream, chapstick... everything is there. you're good!

you didn't think this face was going to steal anything, did you?!

tomorrow's memories

2008-12-26T16:46:00.000-08:00

many great pictures of me were taken this christmas, if i do say so myself. i've decided to share some with you!

okay, this one wasn't so great...

this is my "regal" pose.

i got yelled at for this one.

with aunty petty.

all of us together! and looking in the general direction of the camera! it's a christmas miracle!!!

merry christmas

2008-12-25T18:12:00.000-08:00

however you celebrate, have a happy holiday!

we're thankful for all of you,
hannah, fig, and tad

my sad story

2008-11-29T13:30:00.000-08:00

this is my dead baby bird.

this is my house.

this is where i brought my dead baby bird into my house.

this is leah's face when she saw my dead baby bird in my house.

this is where i went to pout after getting in trouble for bringing my dead baby bird into my house.

(on my girl's pillow to spread the dead baby bird juice.)

LIARS AND THIEVES!

2008-11-22T14:44:00.001-08:00

you WILL NOT believe what happened at my house yesterday!!! IT and i were sleeping peacefully...

when all of a sudden i heard something! i jumped to "alert status"!

two men came INTO OUR HOUSE and STOLE something out of our furnace!!!!! i yelled and hollered at the top of my (very healthy and lusty) lungs, but it did no good - i was locked behind leah's door and couldn't get at 'em. leah *said* they were replacing some kind of filter, but that's a lie. i know they were stealing our stuff and no one would let me do a thing about it. i was so worked up i had to go see petra to distract myself. and when i saw THIS, i was so appalled and amused that i couldn't think of anything else:

oh, that girl....

attention please:

2008-11-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

i have a special message:

we have an opportunity to raise our voices on tuesday.

i am doing my civic duty, and i encourage you to do yours!

VOTE!!!

what?!

2008-10-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

ohmydog you will not believe what my girl started doing to our fireplace....

IT IS OCTOBER 25TH WOMAN! October! Not DECEMBER!!!

jeesh

2008-10-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

IT is a big fat liar. well, okay... he's a skinny naked liar. all that crap about "giving her JOY" - ha! look at this:

do you know what that is? it is ALL of massah's bedding. well, every single bit of it except for one pillowcase. why are they on the floor and not on her bed, you ask? because of this thing:

he peed all over them. right after he came in from outside. just squatted right there and let it all out. no shame. i was too embarrassed to even look.

and he just laid there after she changed everything. like he didn't have a care in the world.

on her birthday, even! i had to close my eyes.... *sigh*

memories

2008-10-14T17:10:00.001-07:00

since it's getting cold here, i'm posting this video to remind me of the warmth i experienced in the past.

oh, the days of sitting in front of the fan, whiling away the hours basking in the warmth of the afternoon sun....

returning and continued starvation

2008-09-26T18:29:00.001-07:00

well motch and p.a. got home. the first thing motch said when she saw little pee was "how much did she eat?! she is enormously and obesely FAT!!!!!" maybe not those exact words, but pretty close. and she is right... look at her belly!

too bad i wasn't staying with petra and leah. *sigh* i'm still starving to death over here with the little naked chinese man. look at me - i can barely keep my eyes open as i waste away.

luckily petra is kind enough to stay by my side and comfort me in my starvation. she is worried about me too - can you see it in her eyes?

oh dear

2008-09-07T18:01:00.001-07:00

the bears open the season tonight.

against the colts.

i can't stand the probable carnage....

cravings

2008-09-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

i had the most lovely evening yesterday. my girl was sourly watching the giants beat the redskins (neither of whom she likes, so i'm not sure why she was so emotionally involved in the game, but that's okay beacuse it worked to my advantage) when i took it upon myself to have a look-see in her bedroom. my girl heard me rifling through things and making odd noises, but she shrugged it off because i do that sometimes. what she had forgotten, however, was a box of junior mints that she had on top of my crate which is beside her bed. what was i to do? let them get stale as eli manning continued to throw inexplicable completions? i give you a resounding NO!!! i knocked the box down, ripped it open, ate the CHOCOLATE candy, then preceeded to eat almost the entire cardboard minty-flavored box before she came in and found me!

i was kind crabby the rest of the night, but i didn't tell her it was because i was feeling poorly due to my dangerous over-indulgence. i didn't let on. and i made it through just fine, thank you. no ill effects. and my breath even smelled minty fresh!

c'est moi

2008-08-14T16:06:00.000-07:00

here's just some pictures of me (with IT and massah-in-law/leah) in case you forgot what i looked like.

i have a nice smile, don't you think?

see how nice and symetrical MY ears are? not all wonky, like someone's.

then IT got tired.

and then i had enough. now leave me alone.

more evidence!

2008-08-07T16:26:00.000-07:00

i would like to share more proof that i am wasting away. this was me - with MEAT ON MY BONES - a couple years ago:

i had insulation on me!

the good old days....

but NOW look at me!

can you see my ribs sticking out?!

i'm wasting away!

look how sunken and gaunt i look!

no, i did NOT look like a barrell, massah... i looked healthy! what is WITH this cultural obsession with TEENY TINY women in the world?! well i refuse to put on a bikini and pose sprawling on the beach in hawaii. give me some peanut butter in a kong and i'll stop complaining. for now.

what is wrong with the human race....

2008-07-31T17:24:00.000-07:00

I don't usually post things like this, especially since I don't have first-hand knowledge, but it is so horrifying that I want to pass it on. It's from a man who works at Petco in California....

I wanted to tell you about something extremely disturbing a customer told me today. She felt it was her duty to tell me about this, and I feel like it's my duty to tell you (I'm notifying my four other Boston Terrier-owner friends of this as well). The customer noticed my Boston's picture on my name tag and said that she had her Boston stolen from her front yard recently. She let her dogs (2 Bostons & 2 Pugs) out to potty, and they were very well-trained & would never consider leaving their yard. One of her Bostons was taking a long time to pick a spot, and she had a phone call and let the other dogs back in and left the remaining Boston outside for a second to finish his business. She came right back outside, and he had vanished. She knew he was probably stolen, but she put up signs all over her neighborhood, and was shocked by the response she got.

Many people called her (several who lived on her block) that said their Bostons had been stolen as well and told her to report it to the police. The police had a horrible conclusion. First of all, it wasn't a random thing since nearly all the dogs recently stolen in the area were Bostons and not just any "purebred-looking" dog; this breed itself was being targeted. Second, since most, if not all, these dogs were simply pets and were spayed or neutered, it was not likely they were taken by a puppy mill for breeding purposes. Their fate was most likely far more horrible.
It turns out that in illegal dog-fighting rings (which are very prevalent this area of the country), Boston Terriers are now considered the perfect "bait" for training Pit Bulls to fight, for three reasons:

1) They look like small Pit Bulls, so young Pits in training will learn to go after dogs that have that similar shape and build while not getting harmed in the training process since the Boston is much smaller.

2) Bostons, unlike many other small breeds, have a lot of Bulldog characteristics and are thus willing fight back until death. Therefore, unlike other "bait" dogs, they do more than simply stand there and let themselves get torn up and will better prepare the Pits for fighting--again, without posing too much danger of the "trainee" getting hurt since the much-smaller Boston doesn't stand a chance.

3) This is the perhaps the most stomach-churning. Fighting dogs are trained to go for the neck and throat of the opponent, and the white collar of the Boston allows a training dog's owner to more easily tell how much damage his charge is able to inflict.

I thought you should be aware of this trend since Bostons are apparently being sought-after as bait dogs. Maybe you should also let other Boston owners and your puppies' buyers be aware of this--not to scare them, but because it's much better to be safe than sorry.

Stay close to your family and don't take bones from stranges - especially you Cali pups!

kindness and cruelty

2008-07-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

first of all, i have been awarded an award. from the big boy, peanut himself. he gave me this arte-y-pico award because - AND I QUOTE - "because we love her." woot! i am honored!

and i'm a little behind the times, but here is our cold box:

boring boring boring until you get to the side, where you have this - a BOSTON ornament! and NO CRESTIE ORNAMENT, let me point out. woot!

i'm not sure what she is "hopeful" about, except maybe MORE FOOD IN HERE!?!?!?!?!

we are starving to death with no food over here. beware, you easy-weepers out there: here i am, in the middle of summer, wrapped up in a blanket because there is no meat on my bones to keep me warm.

for those of you with no heart, who might be saying, "i don't believe you fig; your girl would never let you starve!" i point out this next exhibit. this is me, huddling next to my brother for warmth. i WOULD NOT DO THIS but for these EXTREME AND DIRE CIRCUMSTANCES.

pee-s: send food please

i'm a model

2008-07-23T16:58:00.001-07:00

wanna see something fabulous stupendous wonderously incredible?! do you?!?! well look what leah made (a LONG time ago) and massah just now got around to putting in a place of prominance where it belongs:

it's a duet of pictures, featuring MEEEEEE!!! (and IT) and where is this place of significance? it's above her dresser, where it can be the first thing she sees every morning! and it's near the "happy" sign because i make her HAPPY!!!

other than that, nothing much is happening. massah keeps fawning over IT and its daily funtions of life. i truly don't see what's so intersting and praise-worthy about his "solid" poo. whatever.

hee

2008-07-21T16:34:00.001-07:00

if you want a little chuckle, check out my neice waveland's blog.

actually, i think she's my girl's first cousin once removed, which would make her my... second cousin? or something? anyway, i think she's pretty cute, although banjo and i didn't hit it off real well when they lived around here.

OHMYDOG!!!!!

2008-07-07T16:18:00.000-07:00

YES i am happy and excited! i got to go to the dog park over the holiday weekend and I WAS A GOOD GIRL!!! here is visual proof: see me?! that is ME WITHOUT A LEASH and ANOTHER DOG and i am NOT ATTEMPTING TO TEAR OUT HER JUGULAR! and here's another picture of me with TWO OTHER DOGS: and this little scottie was trying to HUMP ME and naturally i didn't allow it but i DID NOT TRY TO EAT HIM ALIVE! here i am, in LIVE ACTION at the DOG PARK. but when the other dogs got too worked up i had to go back and protect massah and leah, of course.
and here are pictures of me being a GOOD GIRL and enjoying myself at the park!!! it was pretty exhausting, though. this is what i felt like after about an hour:

i went home and slept a long time. but i think i might get to go back again since i was SUCH A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD GIRL!!!!!!!!!

not so!

2008-07-01T16:12:00.000-07:00

leah thought she was special when i jumped on her lap to sleep the other night....

but i am a fickle figgle. i give my love to massah too.

yawn

2008-06-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

i am back! we have been strongly encouraged to amuse ourselves lately (ridiculous... what else does she have to do, besides cater to my every whim?) and we even got a new toy to assist us with the "amuse yourself" order. it rolls and shakes and moves on its own, and massah thought we would be fascinated by it.

not so, dear massah; not so. we were bored within 30 seconds.

quickly...

2008-06-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

i have survived the v-e-t but won't be back for a bit. i'll miss you all!

OH MY DOG

2008-06-15T14:52:00.001-07:00

what kind of appointment could POSSIBLY make me look like this?! i'll fill you in when i get back.... if i survive.

a sad story

2008-06-10T17:02:00.000-07:00

happy, busy fig:

forlorn, aimless fig:

(and leave my froggy-doggy legs alone, massah!)

lookie

2008-06-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

see my new sign from petra that we hung up today?

no one will DARE to enter my domain!!!

ME! ME!

2008-06-06T18:00:00.000-07:00

all of my friends have done this so i've decided to bless you all with answers of my own. my girl is also going to do it; she says it's because she likes these kinds of things, but i know it's really because she wants to be like me. who can blame her, really....

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?
girl: finishing my first year of college
me: floating impatiently in the heavenly waiting pool, eagerly anticipating my mom morgan's procreative activities with my dad rowdy

2. Five Things on my to-do list today.
girl: create a list of things to do which will never actually get done, drive to my mom's house, scratch little petty pot pie under the chinny-chin-chin, drink some diet coke, watch the cubbies
me: huff and puff until my girl puts me outside, then come back inside, then go outside, then come inside, go outside, come inside....

3. Three snacks I enjoy.
girl: tapoica pudding, sour patch kids, any edible form of sugar
me: american cheese, swiss cheese, cheddar cheese

4. Things I would do if I were a billionaire.
girl: buy a house, take the family on vacation, save the rest for retirement. wait, BILLIONaire? gosh - probably pay off everyone's debts (in the family) and then just randomly shop and buy fun presents for everyone until the money ran out.
me: buy a seperate house for IT and then pay security guards thousands upon thousands of dollars to keep him in there

5. Three of my bad habits.
girl: eating when i'm stressed, not proactively fighting for my health, rationalizing anything i want to do
me: licking my paws (only bad because it makes my girl yell, there's of course nothing actually wrong with compulsive licking), yelling (again, only "bad" because it has caused my girl to literally smack my bum when i yell too loudly - call the ASPCA!), giving my toys to petra (because then i want them back)

6. Five places I have lived.
girl: my parents' house, the travelier, a roach-infested apartment, a condo, my current apartment
me: my first house with massah in missouri, motch's house while in transition, the condo where i tore up a WHOLE ROOM FULL of carpet (and got stuck in a canvas chair while attempting to eat my way through it), our loft where IT came into the picture, and in front of our parking lot now, where i have to yell at people all day long
to keep them away

7. Five jobs I have had.
girl: music therapist, addiction counselor, public relations director, business marketing coordinator, admissions financial counselor
me: guard dog, massah-comforter, vacuum cleaner, heating pad, master of annoying behaviors

YOUR TURN! (unless you've already done it) i'm gonna go play....

liars and thieves

2008-05-26T13:52:00.001-07:00

we were all supposed to get watermelon for the holiday, but i bet you a dollar you can guess what happened....

little thieves!!! here's one of them in action, stealing MY WATERMELON!

look at her, trying act all innocent.

and IT... pretending like he's not even intersted.

they were so naughty, this is how i ended up enjoying mine:

please ignore Massah in the background. i am not a brat - i am entitled to have my OWN BOWL of watermelon if the other miscreants refuse to share with me.

my terrible start

2008-05-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

so this morning i was prepared to enjoy the nice long holiday, when my girl picks me up and starts walking with me. that's never good. and then i see this:

WHY? what did i do to deserve this?!

but it's finally over and done with and i'm back to guarding the house. however, if i see someone coming to rob us, i don't know if i'll bark quite as loudly and viciously as usual.

gah!

2008-05-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

i am NOT happy about this posing business that IT was engaging in this morning.

leave me alone, you demented mutant.

and i say that with the utmost love, of course.

a game

2008-05-06T16:54:00.000-07:00

my Aunt Petty Piano Player Pretty as a Pot Pie Petra tagged me. here's the game:

1) Write your own six word memoir. 2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like. 3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere. 4) Tag at least five more blogs with links. 5) Don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play. 6) Have fun

i'm only going to follow rules 1-3 because i don't like following directions or doing what i'm told. and here's my memememememememememememememe:

DESERVES TO BE AN ONLY CHILD

there's more!

2008-04-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

IT found some pictures on massah's camera, and now look what i just found!!!

i KNEW i smelled something or someone on her clothes!!!

i've got a question:

2008-04-11T17:30:00.001-07:00

woe is me

2008-04-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

this was me about an hour ago. at the v.e.t. IT bit me. the doctors and nurses fussed and fussed over me. they said it looked really bad and that i must be feeling horrible. they are RIGHT. i didn't even get any stiches because it was too close to my eye and they didn't want to make it worse. it's also infected. i am on an antibiotic and a pain killer. do you feel sorry for me? you SHOULD!

by the way, i didn't even bite IT back!!!

i got a present too

2008-03-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

i got a present too, even though it was ITs birthday. notice anything different about me?

i have a new CUBS collar!

it came with a CUBS charm, too! i feel like such a girly-girl. but for once i don't mind!

i'm watching the game with it on. so far it's not much of a good-luck charm. here i am watching de rosa get hit by a pitch. boo.

BUT WAIT!!! fukudome (that's not a bad word, i swear...) just tied it up with a THREE RUN HOMER!!!!! oh, i gotta go YELL IN CELEBRATION!!!!!

my incredible sacrifice

2008-03-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

well it's true. IT had a birthday. i let him have his little treat. that was my gift to him. not stealing his stupid pumpkin-kong.
just look at that self-control!

but i did suffer immensely from that sacrifice. i just want everyone to know that.

woo hoo!

2008-03-12T15:47:00.001-07:00

guess where i am right now?!?!

that's right - PLAYING with PETRA!!!

and that little anorexic-looking bald weasel is NOT HERE!

le sigh

2008-03-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

all i'm doing over here is getting in trouble. NOW massah is mad because i keep chewing my cuz on her bed.

so what if there's a huge wet spot there?

roses really smell like poo poo poo

2008-03-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

guess what that is? here's a hint: it's PROOF of how much massah loves me!

that's right - she loves me so much that she has a candle to spread my very own scent throughout the room! (as if i, personally, aren't enough....)

you don't see one that says "tadpole pomegranate" on it, do you? mmm-hmm. that's what i though.

clarification:

2008-03-02T15:42:00.000-08:00

oh for the love. that idiotic little thing.... let me share the real story.

we were wrestling and i got him into a headlock - because i always win whenever we wrassle. and i wouldn't let him get up, so he fell asleep. and while i was waiting for him to wake up so i could continue my domination, i ended up falling asleep too. and then massah took a picture and then he saw it and he made up some story about how we were cuddling.

see? it's a headlock. not a snuggle.

yawn

2008-02-25T18:35:00.001-08:00

last night, massah-in-law laughed very loudly for a very long time when she walked into massah's room and saw this:

and upon closer inspection:

we were sleeping! what on earth is so funny about that?!

but please notice that i and IT were on opposite sides of massah, and that i had my paw out, touching massah's head, so i could make sure IT didn't cross over the line and try to snuggle with ME.

is there any other way to sleep at night?!

wet and glorious

2008-02-24T15:42:00.000-08:00

i do not know why massah is shooting that arrid spray at me. apparently the v.e.t. told her to do it. more proof that we as doggins can NEVER trusts those nasty v.e.t.'s. massah said she doesn't know why it's supposed to work either, but it DOESN'T. see:

still licking. still making nasty wet marks on my furs and skins. i think i heard some rumblings about taking me IN to see the v.e.t. to find out if i have allergies. totally unnecessary. let me lick in peace, please.

oh please

2008-02-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

evidently my incessant licking of the paws annoys massah. so she got me this. and then sprayed it on my legs.

maybe I get annoyed when she constantly hums all day long, i wonder if she ever thought of that?! but do i get her larynx removed? no, i do not. i put up with it. which is what SHE should do too.

is a little fairness and equality too much to ask for around here?

helping out around the house

2008-02-19T15:27:00.001-08:00

thank you all for the concern about the Pink Guy that invaded my eye and kept me away from my playmates for days on end. while i was held captive in my own home while convalescing, i found an exciting new pass-time! as you are probably well aware, IT has a disgusting habit of poo'ing in the house and then eating it (or poo'ing outside and then eating it, he's indiscriminate). i know that massah and massah-in-law HATE this, so i've decided to help them out. every time IT poos in the house, i walk to their side and give them this look:

they immediately run into the other room where they invariably find IT hunched over his poo and beginning his feast. i'm considering a charge for my assistance. maybe payment in peanut butter-filled Kongs...?

birthday part 2

2008-02-02T16:16:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it's been almost a week since i last told you about my birthday. bad massah! but i need to share the rest of my presents.... firstly, i must explain what happened. massah said she would NOT give me 5 presents for every hour my birthday celebration was delayed. humph. evidently i didn't get a signed agreement out of her stating that fact. so pups - apparently you need to get your hooman to write it down, sign it, and then take it to some kind of important person to get it NOTARIZED if you want them to actually follow through on their promises. she did get me something though. so. moving on....

she took me to petco to pick out whatever i wanted. that was pretty sweet. i did NOT want this, but now that it's on i suppose it's not too bad.

i had picked out a leather studded tough-chica collar... but massah said i had to have some pink in this one. so i guess camo-pink will do. i'm still not terribly pleased, as you can see by my expression.

note: that is NOT a fat roll on my neck; it was a bad angle for a photograph.

i got a boat-load of treats... the kind that i NEVER get to eat! there are chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter rolls, liver snacks, froot loops, and so many others in that bag that i can't even remember. YUM!

and look at this - it's a wubba-dubba-doo!!! and it's AWESOME!

i HIGHLY recommend it for those who haven't experienced the pleasure. it has a ear-drum shattering pitch to the squeaker inside, and i have yet to destroy the squeaker (after one WEEK - that's unheard of for a boston!).

this is a sight massah sees a lot of these days. (please ignore IT in the background.)

i also got a big fat bone! (massah got one for the other animal in the house too, so don't feel bad for him) hey, it's not a cow penis, but it's a bone from a cow; that's the best we can hope for in this house.

and finally, this wonderful HUGE bone cookie. i had to work hard for this one, though. there was an enormous plastic bin FULL of these cookies on the bottom shelf (man, i love the marketing in that store). massah kept dragging me away from it because she knows i like to steal and eat things while i'm there and then she has to buy them when we go through the line. so i got smarter this time around. i waited until we were in the checkout line and she was putting all our stuff on the counter. while she was distracted, i pulled the whole entire bin of cookies off the shelf and all over the ground. there was like a billion ka-zillion cookie bones sitting on the floor in front of me! a bunch of people had to come and help her pick them up, but look what i managed to do:

and then of course she had to buy it, which means it's sitting on our counter and i'm waiting for massah to get a little less annoyed at me so i can eat the rest. it was a pretty good birthday.

2008-01-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

my birthday celebration started friday night:

i got a beautiful present from petra, who wrote a special poem just for ME! can you read it?

it says:
I am glad
not mad
That your birthday is here
not there
Now you are 6
and we are a good mix

Kissy lick,
I love you
P. Pie

isn't that GREAT?! while massah was reading it to me, look who came in behind for a sneak attack on MY gift!

never fear, i scared the little naked chinese man away and then look what i found! it's a stuffie and a tug toy, all in one! and i love it.

but... look what else was in there! a mug full of treats for me (massah says SHE gets to keep the mug, whatever). they're delish!

at this point in the celebration, all heck broke loose. guess who showed up? here is the next part of the story in pictures:

this video is very dark, but you're able to hear how strongly i was defending myself and my posessions.

all in all, it was a perfect start to a celebratory weekend! i'll fill you in on massah's additions to the festivities later; evidently i wasn't clear enough in the terms of our agreement... but that's another story for another day. thanks, petra pot pie and motch!

happy birthday to ME!!!!!

2008-01-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

massah said we are not celebrating until the weekend.

i told that was okay on one condition: she has to give me 5 presents per hour my birthday celebration is delayed. i'll be racking up the presents for 2 or 3 days - i'll probably have so many that i won't know what to do with all of them!

the little one

2008-01-19T18:01:00.000-08:00

please keep my little niece petra in your thoughts and prayers... there was a small complication during her de-girling surgery this morning and she needs happy vibes. she'll be okay, but it's going to take her a few days to recover - i'll let her tell you about it in a day or so.

and here we are in happier times, because posts without pictures just aren't as fun.

so...

2008-01-09T18:12:00.001-08:00

what have i been doing since christmas, you ask? let me show you:

and of course i have to YELL real loudly at people walking by.

and then they think that closing the blinds will comfort and console me. HA.

i can peek around them!

then they try to get really sneaky....

nope - can't fool me with those silly old blinds!

and then i get in LOTS of trouble....

some pictures from christmas

2007-12-31T17:20:00.000-08:00

even though it was off to a rough (but clean) start...

it got better - this is what i did most of the time:

i got some good stuff too... but don't tell massah. hee hee. i also played a LOT with petra. this is a dangerous game, but all turned out well :-)

she got a pacifier that i liked. and subsequently stole.

i had to lay down the law with her, because she seemed to think that just because she OPENED it, she OWNED it. silly puppy; so confused. i set her straight.

we spent a lot of time being nice to each other too, which made motch VERY happy (she gets nervous when we play "boston" games).

i'm one lucky dog, and i'm counting my blessings this new year.

still tired

2007-12-28T15:46:00.001-08:00

I will fill everyone in on my Christmas, but I'm still catching up....

i am not merry!

2007-12-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

my christmas eve is NOT starting out well....

i better get LOTS of extra presents for this.

christmas - bah

2007-12-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

this is motch. and this is what i have to put up with at christmas time. it's entirely too much christmas cheer (and there's not even any alcohol involved).

at least i can go home to my own house at night... petra is the one who has to live with her, the poor thing.

Oh the trials and tribulations of Christmas Card pictures....

2007-12-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

But at least Massah can't get mad at me this year. I just copied her exact expressions, see....

(faces that made us look like we had some sort of disability)

(faces that are completely oblivious to the concept of looking at the camera)

Good times, good times....

THRAWN

2007-12-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

Rest in peace, handsome man.

May you find Dakota quickly and catch up on all the licking and playing you've missed out on in the past few months....

Have fun while you wait for all of us.

i have very important things to say

2007-12-07T18:04:00.001-08:00

and no one listens to me.

this neglect sickens me.

there is one thing...

2007-12-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

i do admit, there is one thing about petra that kinda annoys me. she steals my favorite sleeping spots...

the holiday madness has begun

2007-11-29T16:16:00.001-08:00

ok, ok...

2007-11-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

ok, i need to clarify the growling in the video of me and petra playing in the last post... i like to pretend that i'm an awesomely bad dog and growl really horrifically when we're playing. (petra has not figured out how to do this yet.) here -- i'll show you:

did you hear me? it was a growl-snarl-gargle-noise! acting mean is FUN! and i make even WORSE noises when i play with the hoomans!

i'm also teaching petra the fine art of bitey face. she's catching on pretty well, but this causes motch great concern for the safety of us bostons. please. does this look like a couple of dogs who'd hurt each other?

i guess i'm not really as big and bad and tough as i try to look like...

there, now we can forget i ever admitted to having a soft side. maybe for the next post i can put up a video of me looking out the window and growling angrily at the world. i like to do that all day long.

bostons have more fun

2007-11-27T13:50:00.001-08:00

I LOVE PETRA!!!!!
i'll show you why:

that's so much more fun than watching IT sleep in odd positions all night...

don't you agree?!

ps: i made this girl help me with my blog today... who knows when massah will be back to my daily blogging... sigh.

finally, an update!

2007-11-24T18:14:00.000-08:00

good grief - i've been trying to post and blogger just keep eating it up hand over fist. i don't know what that means, but my grammy says that. but there's good news - it turns out that petra is pretty cool! we've been playing lots and LOTS!

and i even like sleeping next to her!

do you think motch will trade IT for petra?!?! maybe that's what i'll put on my christmas list....

she FINALLY has a name

2007-11-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

it's petra! i'm trying very hard to teach her things, but she's not catching on very quickly. granted, i've only seen her for a total of about 20 minutes, but she's not catching on to the tug-of-war game that i'm dilligently attempting to teach her. she just stares at me like i'm crazy and then runs the other way. massah keeps saying stuff about "don't smack her in the face with it!!!" but i'm just trying to show her the way.

and another thing - she has a bunch of toys that i can't have! what's up with THAT?! look at this monkey! i'd LOVE that! but can i have it?! NOOOOOOOOO. it's petra's toy. blah. i need to teach her to share. but only when no one is looking.

my protege

2007-11-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

here she is:

she doesn't have a name yet, but i've started training her. here she is, listening to my rant about the annoyingness of IT. look how attentive she is! but she's a boston... of course she's a quick learner (unlike someone i know).

2007-11-11T18:55:00.001-08:00

We are being neglected over here. I'd ask someone to call the ASPCA, but since we just moved they probably wouldn't be able to find us. *le sigh*

Things are going fairly well, though. I get to sleep in Massah-in-law's bed if I feel the urge; that's not half bad. BUT. I heard that Motch might be bringing home a puppy.... *GASP* And it might even be a BOSTON PUPPY!!!

If that news turns out to be true, I'll have to get on here pretty quick and update you all....

i'm not impressed

2007-10-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

The Boy went to a wedding and I got was this stupid garter.

WHERE'S THE CAKE?!?!?!?!?!

where the good stuff comes from

2007-10-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

GUESS WHO THIS IS?!?!?!?!?!?

Give up?! Huh?! Do ya?!

IT'S ROWDY!!!!! HE'S MY DAD!!!!!!!!!! It's amazing what these internets can do these days... Motch was looking up some stuff and just FOUND HIM!!!!! I'm thinking of finding that Grayhound that takes people places and going to visit him! With a name like "ROWDY" I'm sure he's a ton of fun! I bet he doesn't have a naked little Chinese man badgering him all day long, either....

Speaking of IT, he's getting a bath right now. Wahahahahahahaha. He's trying to get all nice-looking for his first day on the job. Ridiculous. Like IT could ever be nice-looking.

a birthday

2007-10-21T17:15:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to Massah! A birthday only comes around once a year - this is how excited I was!!!

This is how I helped her celebrate her special day:

I also looked very beautiful for her (IT is entirely to blame for those gray hairs!)

Speaking of IT, I also taunted him... gross little booger had to stay inside while I got to run and play - HA!

I gave Massah kisses...

And I allowed her to hold me while I feel asleep.

What more could anyone ask for on their birthday?!

I'm tired

2007-10-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

Doesn't it look like a nice, relaxing evening?

Well it's NOT. Look.

IT never leaves me alone for a second.

At least IT isn't touching me. At the moment....

glory be!

2007-10-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

Well. I have good news and bad news. Bad news first:

Massah is making me (and IT unfortunately) move OUT of Motch's house in LESS THAN A MONTH, can you believe it?! She needs to give me more time to prepare myself! Jeesh! But...

Guess who we're moving in with?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? The wonderful woman who gives me THIS:

THAT'S RIGHT - we get to live with Massah-in-Law!!!!! I can't WAIT!!!!!

This is what my life is going to be like, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!!!!!

Ruby is a gem!

2007-10-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

I need to talk about PRESENTS! I'll start with Ruby, the equally beautiful Boston Terror Girl who sent me a BOX! (please notice how exceptionally svelte I look in this shot, MASSAH....)

Mmmm... Ruby smells GOOD!

Look at this cool little shoe!

Every girl needs a shoe!

I LIKED it!

Notice I said "liked"... as in past tense. It is now waiting for me in stuffie heaven. But look what else she sent - a bandana!

Please excuse my odd facial/jowl expression... I thought IT was going to jump up on the couch next to me and I DON'T like that. Anyway, I ALSO got a frisbee! Lookie!

Watch me in action!

Blah blah blah look at us sitting nicely next to each other blah blah blah. I HATE sitting nicely next to IT.

I'll leave you with this video.

Oh my goodness - DID YOU HEAR THAT?! Massah-in-Law said I'm "not as nice as Tadpole, but that's okay." CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! And I have it on TAPE!!!!! She's gonna have to give me a LOT of peanut butter filled kongs to make up for THAT!

HOLY COW!!!!!

2007-09-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

Guess what?!?!

THE CUBS ARE IN!!!!!!!!!!

I can't even believe it!!!!! This is the best day of my entire life!!!!! It's been a million trillion gazillion billion poopilion years since they won the World Series, but this is our year! I celebrated in style!

Check it out! It is a COOKIE, can you believe it?!?!?!? It's from Coco and Sophie (her scaredy-cat sister)!

After posing nicely (for WAAAY to long) I said "give it to me, you mean, torturous woman!" (please note: I was NOT saying "WHAATTSSUUUUP" to my cookie)

Finally I got it!

Oh the delightfulness is cannot be described in mere words....

All I can say is HOLY COW!!!!!

It was all SORTS of delicious!

I had to make sure I got all the pieces....

That was the best thing I've ever tasted. There is one more cookie, but Massah said I have to wait until the World Series before I get that one. Hmmm....

Is it the World Series yet?! GO CUBS!!!!!

jeesh....

2007-09-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but Massah-in-Law is GONE! I'm not getting my peanut butter-filled KONG! I was just trying to be good to myself!

I took it under the bed to be courteous! And I didn't even eat all of the Sour Straws - I left some for Massah.

I don't know why she didn't praise me for being such a thoughful, considerate doggin.... I sure would'a thought she would've THANKED me, at least?!

emergency!!!

2007-09-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

someone help me! i'm not getting any attention over here lately! i want to visit my boyfriend balboa but IT took his taxi to pixburg! i'm being neglected! somebody call the aspca on massah!

holy kong

2007-09-15T12:13:00.000-07:00

you will NEVER believe what i got - for the first time - yesterday!!!

a kong FILLED WITH PEANUT BUTTER!!!!! now we have had our kong for a long time, but massah has never introduced us to the wonderful world of peanut-butter-filled kongs!!! god bless massah-in-law for this! i will love her forever and ever now! i licked it for HOURS, even after all the peanut butter was gone, and was in heaven! and then i fell asleep. but i made sure it was right next to me, even while in repose, in case massah-in-law decided to fill it up again!

i'm thinking perhaps i should move in with massah-in-law....

finally!

2007-09-11T16:50:00.000-07:00

good grief. i think it's been a million years since i last got a chance to get on here! or at least a thousand, don't you think...? i've been doing a lot of this - standing around looking dignified:

while i've had to watch IT bounce around like an idiot:

my constant guard-dog tendencies have flourished...

while ITs bizarre ideas of "play" have remained the same.

i also stole ITs toy.

however, i took it easy on him because IT was complaining about being sick. watch how gentle i am!

i was gentle, but i'm still not a push-over....

for the love

2007-09-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

my family is driving me insane. massah says she is sick, and that's how she rationalizes just lying around all day and all night. IT claims he is sick too, and has some kind of infection (yeah... maybe in his BRAIN) which causes him to be an attention-whore. well maybe i'm sick too! maybe i'm sick and tired of everyone ignoring me! maybe i'm sick enough to cheat on you and go to someone else for play time, ever think of that, massah?! that's RIGHT. last night a bunch of people came over to the house for some kind of meeting. i don't know what it was about but they all sat around quietly, taking turns talking in muted tones. i could just TELL they were there to play with ME. finally! someone wanted to give me attention! i brought all my toys in there and shoved them into people's laps. i got all my best and loudest squeakers and brazenly squawked them as violently as i could! i pranced around and bashed my toys against their legs! and guess WHAT. motch took ALL MY TOYS AWAY, one at a time. by the end of the night, all my squeakers were either sitting on the mantle of the fireplace or lying in a basket on the kitchen counter. it just sickens me. i'm getting my boys (dobby and gollum) together and we're going to storm the place.

FROM MASSAH:

2007-09-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

I know some have been wondering how our little princess Figgles is handling this weekend, what with Tad's anniversary and all. Well here she is, the little drama queen herself, pouting amidst a pile of laundry.

After pouting a while, she shrouded herself in black (or as close to it as she could find).

And is currently attempting to look as neglected and pathetic as possible, in hopes that someone takes pity and feeds her something.

Valient, yet fruitless, efforts. I'm sure she'll be back soon to tell you how horrible the weekend has been for her....

tagsies

2007-08-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

i have been tagged by my boyfriend balboa (the handsome devil) (who has to go to the V.E.T. this weekend, can you believe it?! on a HOLIDAY weekend too!) and also by bernard, another good-lookin' frenchie (but not as much of a hottie as my balboa, sorry bernard - you're the second most handsome). anyway - on with the show! my 5 favorite foods:

1. cheese (i get my medicine in it every day)

2. peanut butter (if there isn't any hard-core drugs hidden in there)

3. newman's own organic treats (THANKS BALBOA!)

4. any other kind of treats

5. carrots

okay, now that massah isn't looking i will name my 5 MOST favorite foods - BIG PROPS to the family for introducing me to these treasures since we've moved in!

1. TUNA (thanks massah-in-law)

2. POPCORN (thanks motch)

3. WALLYMELON (thanks motch, again!)

4. ICE CUBES COVERED IN ICED COFFEE (thanks massah-in-law)

5. PIZZA (thanks to the boy)

yummm.... and now the middle-name game, from bernard. i do not have a middle name! can you believe it?! however, massah calls me lots of things and in honor of the upcoming football season (where the bears will dominate) i will use my NFL-related nick name: pigskin.

P - pretty darn adorable

I - intelligent beyond description

G - guard-dog extraordinaire

S - so much better looking than IT

K - kind and gentle (if i am sleeping)

I - indescribably beautiful bark (i.e. LOUD)

N - not annoying at all

now i'm going to go see if i can set the privacy setting or something on this entry, so that massah can't see my REAL list of favorite foods....

puh-leeeeez

2007-08-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

what in the world is going on?

i am not amused.

evidently this is ITs doing, since i ruined the squeaky in ITs dumbbell from stanley. whatever. i'm still not saying i'm sorry.

my new hat!

2007-08-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

this nasty hat came in the box that stanley sent to IT. it says "crabby but cute" and i can only assume it got in there by accident.

however, i made some improvements since i'm such a crafty little woman, and i've decided i like the result.

amazing what a permanent marker and some masking tape will do, huh?

i'm complaining again

2007-08-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

i am exhausted. i cannot sleep because i have to listen to this all day. (i know it's dark, but i figured if you have to listen to IT, you shouldn't be exposed to ITs appearance at the same time. a dog can only handle so much, you know.)

now keep in mind - that is just IT's normal bark. when IT gets excited the pitch goes up 3 and a half octaves and elongates into a scream. gah. i don't know how i stay sane around here.

2007-08-22T09:38:00.000-07:00

look what i got the other night!

yummy..... i love gnawing on stuff that i'm allowed to gnaw on.

IT was staring at me the entire time, like a half-starved vulture. just waiting....

but i just kept happily chewing.

but look what happened! (hint: look for the long, pointy nose that sneaks in the side)

annoying little buggar. but i just use my puppy eyes on motch and all is well again. i love living here!

007 par-tay

2007-08-20T09:30:00.001-07:00

my boyfriend balboa and i had a wonderful night at simba's party - we danced the night away! i was on my most proper behavior (i wanted to make a good impression for our VERY FIRST date!!) and i think it was a success! bernard has some candids of the night - don't be fooled by shot of me and simba... i had to pose with the host of the party, but my mind was on balboa the whole time (whose wouldn't be, with the way he looked and danced!)! whew! what a hottie, huh?!

since i was on my best, most feminine behavior that night, i wanted to post another side of myself today. i don't want him to think i'm all sugar and spice and everything nice - i'm also playful and strong and crazy fun! okay, i admit it... i was showing off for him a little bit here....

sadie

2007-08-17T08:20:00.001-07:00

sadie's footprints came last night.

they made the imprints after she went to heaven.

it's very nice. and it makes me a little bit sad.

missing you

2007-08-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

P.A. went to the Emerge and See doctor the other night, and now he's at the hospital. I don't know what he saw when he emerged from that room, but I'm going to ask him when he gets home because I sure don't want to see the same thing and end up in the hospital too - he said he's getting shots that last an hour! And then do it every 4 hours! The horror! Do they have a ASPCA for humans?! We're hoping he gets out in a couple days... I miss him around the house.

sleeeeeeeeeeeping....

2007-08-15T10:22:00.001-07:00

winston recently put up some pictures of him sleeping and wanted to see other dogs do the same. since sleeping is my cup of tea, as some say, here i am!

this is where i sleep most of the time at motch's house - on her bed, on the shams, in front of the windows.

that way i can keep watch at the same time.

and doze off between security alerts.

mmmm.... i love sleeping.

dog park, shmog park

2007-08-14T16:38:00.000-07:00

IT posted some pictures of last night. we went to the dog park. i was not allowed off-leash. what was THAT about? isn't that what dog parks are for? running around FREELY?

well, that's what you would think. however, this is how i spent my time.

and like this.

and when i still wouldn't "be nice" i had to SIT there next to massah. like i was "unpredictable" or something.

for the love of all things good and holy. look where the progression led next:

yes. on her LAP like i was a 8-week-old puppy. and on top of THAT, look at what that adolescent hooligan was allowed to do without my approval!

shocking, isn't it?! that little olive was allowed to SMELL ME while i was being held immobile!

it was a disgusting display of unwarranted affection. leave me alone, you little baby pug! i am a wild animal who would eat you if i had the chance! i am NEVER going back there to endure that humiliation again.

NEW ADDRESS!

2007-08-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

I just moved my Live Journal over to Blogger, since I cannot put any more pictures up over there. Evidently I'm "over my limit" or something. Bah. This way I can list all my friends, though - I couldn't do that over there! It'll take me a couple days to get everything sorted out, but I'm working on it... between bouts of playing.

The Notorious F.I.G.

guard dog

merry christmas

problem?

recent pics

oh the excitement of friday night

foooooooooood

EXCITEMENT

Happy (belated) Anniversary, Leah!

the terrifying and the thrilling

back to boring

therapy dog

it was me

a good girl

oops

tomorrow's memories

merry christmas

my sad story

LIARS AND THIEVES!

attention please:

what?!

jeesh

memories

returning and continued starvation

oh dear

cravings

c'est moi

more evidence!

what is wrong with the human race....

kindness and cruelty

i'm a model

hee

OHMYDOG!!!!!

not so!

*yawn*

quickly...

OH MY DOG

a sad story

lookie

ME! ME!

liars and thieves

my terrible start

gah!

a game

there's more!

i've got a question:

woe is me

i got a present too

my incredible sacrifice

woo hoo!

le sigh

roses really smell like poo poo poo

clarification:

*yawn*

wet and glorious

oh please

helping out around the house

birthday part 2

happy birthday to ME!!!!!

the little one

so...

some pictures from christmas

still tired

i am not merry!

christmas - bah

Oh the trials and tribulations of Christmas Card pictures....

THRAWN

i have very important things to say

there is one thing...

the holiday madness has begun

ok, ok...

bostons have more fun

finally, an update!

she FINALLY has a name

my protege

i'm not impressed

where the good stuff comes from

a birthday

I'm tired

glory be!

yawn

yawn